Never A Dull Moment
by ginzaban
Summary: Isabela is bored in the hanged man and has recently acquired a Qunari drug. What will happen when she watches Hawke(male), Varric, Fenris and Anders walk in for a pint? (HawkexFenrisxAnders implied)


The Hanged Man gripped a busy night down in Lowtown. Aveline crouched over the idea that as guard Captain, it was her unspoken duty to relief her men in a monthly routine of heading down to the pub together for a good pint, drunken laughs and all other shenanigans that fell before them. Meanwhile regulars poured in like usual for meetings, making deals, getting drunk and all above to forget the contorted troubles of Kirkwall and get their fill of a dizzy room and if lucky, someone to take home with them.

The smell of alcohol and dirt, sweat and wood brooded the entire building coursing through the patrons and bartender who, in his time working there over the years has gotten used to it.

Isabella stood leaned onto the counter at the bar; swishing the sour drink she carried between her fingers while watching, with pure amusement, Aveline attempting to tell a funny story to her guards. With her back turned to the bartender to watch this scene better, she snickered wildly once at the very cliff-hanger of the tale, Aveline forgot how the end of it...well, actually ended. She sat down in silence while her guardsmen were left in a blundered confused stare.

"Good story" the pirate said smiling like a sword. She raised her cup to Aveline. "If you wanted to tease them you did a proper job, poor boys."

"Shut up!" Aveline retorted falling silent once more. Her face was red and she thanked the Maker that her guards were not at full thinking capacity to understand how embarrassed she was.

Isabella shrugged and ordered another drink for herself turning to the bartender.

"Here, don't you ignore me! I pay the money you poor the drink"

"There are always better things then drinks, even though coming from a bartender that sounds like mutiny!" said the bartender cheerfully cleaning one of his glasses.

"Ah, something I hope to never be familiar with. What sorts of things are we talking about? Other then sex, of course." She replied.

"Well" a hesitation. He leaned in close to her and smiled. "All right, word on the street is there's a powder made by the Qunari that mixed with a drink can make a person more disoriented then a mage in Meredith's bathtub."

"Oh? Sounds interesting" she closed her eyes and then looked at him eye to eye before crossing her legs. Aveline at this point was passed out, head on the table.

"Where would one" a pause. "Find said powder? Is it rare? You know how I like treasure hunting."

The bartender excused himself to serve another customer on the other side of the bar and Isabella waited patiently for his return to answer her. He returned shortly after.

"In the pub, second door to the left and you didn't hear it from me love!"

It took less than a minute before the pirate entered the room mentioned, met a smuggler (and an ugly one, in her opinion, at that) and returned with the white powder safe in her bra. Looking around she contemplated what would be the most amusing thing to do with her new treasure. Poison Aveline's drink with it? Perhaps not, considering, the Guardswoman was already passed out face first on the table it wouldn't be very fair. She'd feel that one tomorrow thought Isabella.

Struck with disappointment she was about to give up before opportunity strutted through the door of the tavern. The wooden door opened loudly as a Ferelden man, an elf, a grey warden and dwarf stepped into the pub seemingly in argument.

"Sleep escapes me. I don't have time to make magic fireworks while my people are dying in the slums of the city, hunted for sport no less."

"No magic tricks at my next birthday party then?" Hawke said with obvious sarcasm. "I was so looking forward to it."

Anders frowned tiredly yet lovingly towards the Ferelden. "Perhaps once we finish our duties in Kirkwall. I won't rest until I'm fully satisfied."

Hawke, obviously thinking of something inappropriate to counter the conversation, made Verric laugh loud enough for Isabella to hear him on the other side of the three tables separating them. She turned her attention fully now towards them.

"You just give them away, don't cha Blondie? Hawke's got enough teasing material on you to be able to feed the blight with it."

"He can't help his stupidity" said Fenris coldly sitting down at the table nearest them. By this time Isabella could see that it was either Verric or Hawke who dragged the other two unwilling drinkers into the tavern to begin with. She's never seen Fenris drink around others, usually only cooped up in that mansion of his, and Anders, well. Anders didn't drink at all. It was a heavy conscious or something stupid like that that prevented him. Her smile increased twofold while watching them. This was going to be fun.

The other three sat down once Fenris did, Anders farthest away from Fenris as possible.

"Now, now, the reason we brought you two sods here was to let you enjoy yourselves, have a little fun, let loose and marvel in the good company of Bianca, myself and Hawke." said the dwarf.

Both of them blushed slightly which made Verric raise his eyebrow and turn to Hawke who was grinning like an idiot.

"Exactly." The man said "Drinks are on me, what could be better?" His blue eyes looked over each of his party members at the table.

"A story perhaps?"

In good spirits Verric asked "What about the story of how you got those tattoo's on your face? That's gotta be a good one."

"Yes" Fenris agreed. "Not that they don't look...um."

The Ferelden sat back in his chair, faking horror at the three of them which made Anders smile. He loved his sense of humour though sometimes got a bit jealous of it. How did Hawke remain so level headed with a constant smile on his face in a city filled with so many problems? He doubted he would ever really understand. Justice stirred quietly inside of him, dazing off in boredom of their conversation.

"Would you believe...alien abduction? I was an experiment when I was little. I think it might be contagious too. Be careful though, unlike the dalish that mark their faces for sport, getting a tattoo on your face is like a gender change. You kind of want to be fully committed."

Fenris tilted his head. "You want a gender change?"

Their drinks suddenly stood in front of them in good time. Isabella watched from across the room and couldn't help control her schoolgirl giggling. She couldn't help her sense of humour; it's gotten her into more trouble than she was about to be in the very near future.

Reluctantly, Anders lifted his drink to his lips after Hawke and Verric. Fenris, with that same reluctance looked about the room before downing his drink. He wasn't comfortable relaxing around so many people. Old habits die hard, he supposed.

It was an hour into their banter at the table, subjects came up and were lost, thoughts on the deep roads, the Templars, the Qunari and even Ferelden, Hawke's home, came up and the more they drank the more Hawke noticed how unusual his two friends were acting.

"Is that Aveline? Maker, I thought I'd never see the day." The dwarf laughed at the sight of the guardsmen trying to wake her. "Alcohol isn't for everyone I suppose." He said.

Fenris, quiet for the past half hour now was staring intently at the table in front of him. He wasn't being shy as he never was around his friends, he just, felt rather odd. His silver hair covered his eyes as he looked down at one of his hands.  
>"Are you alright? You've only had one drink; don't tell me I need to carry you home already." The man said wryly patting the elf's slender back comfortingly.<p>

Verric, who was talking with Anders about the armour shops in Hightown turned his head along with the grey warden the second after they both saw Fenris, from the corner of their eyes hit his head on the table before sliding out of his chair.

Isabella screeched laughed as she watched with pure enjoyment the look on Hawkes face as he tried to pick the elf up probably for the one time in his life unable to know what to say or think. Verric snickered, assuming Fenris was drunk after one pint and laughed as Hawke questioned their bringing him to the tavern in the first place.

"He's obviously stressed out, I've seen him drink three bottles of wine and keep composure, but this is just...wrong!" Hawke said baffled holding Fenris up.

The elf squirmed as he threw his arms back and forth trying to explain to them all, that he didn't wear bondage under his clothes anymore and never worn shoes more comfortable then bare feet. It was his choice he said. He wanted wine he said, falling back to the ground before screaming;

"DENARIUS YOU COCK SUCKING WHORE"

At that same moment when Hawke was about to question the 'anymore' of that unruly statement, Anders mounted the table with his drink at hand.  
>Isabella got closer to be able to hear better as Anders clinked his glass for the entire bar to hear him. She would remember this for blackmail.<p>

"I have an...nouncement to make." He slurred.

"Andraste's maker what is going on?" Hawke asked holding Fenris up, now honestly frightened as Anders shushed him drunkenly and swaying. The rest of the pub in the Hanged Man had their full attention on him now including the bartender, guards and more importantly Isabella who had a front row seat.

"It's funny ye-know when your, you're there then you um..." He paused.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea." Verric whispered judging the situation well. This wasn't because they were drunk; something was most definitely put into their drinks. He was just glad it wasn't his drink.

"THIS man..." The mage's finger pointed to Hawke and then back towards himself. "Stole som..something from ME. It was in me, now it is not. I am sad, but not so much..so.." He looked at his feet then at Hawke.

"Please dear maker..." Hawke pleaded unsuccessfully.

"My heart! He stole my heart from me and now it is his! THAT'S RIGHT!" He yelled at a random drunk watching him from below. "I love Alexandrian Hawke! He is...my sun and stars...Moon a-and stars. He...um"

"Thank you! So kind! Please get off the table now before it breaks under the weight of your stupidity." pleaded Hawke.

"LOVE ISN'T STUPID!" Anders retorted before jumping off the table staggering, and then falling right on top of Fenris who was in Hawkes arms. Fenris groaned annoyingly.

"Stop talking crude words, Hawke is not..." Fenris rested his head on the stunned Fereldens chest unable to move it. Why did the room keep spinning?

"Interested in...Table...top...dancers." He finished. Hawke sighed loudly shaking his head while Verric watched, just as stunned as he was.

It was about time to intervene. She loved what she was seeing but to interrupt an entire taverns business to act like a fool was not something Anders would be proud of the next day. She started feeling responsible for this, and Isabella _hated_ feeling responsible.

"You're welcome Hawke. It seems like you are the talk of the tavern this evening." She grinned before attempting to pull the two from him.

"Isabella _you_ did this didn't you?"

"Well it wasn't me, that's sure enough." said Verric.

The regulars at this point turned a blind eye to the nonsense they were uttering and went back to their own drinking.

"How could you?" Hawke growled, wishing this was happening to someone else other than him so he could laugh about it.

"Are you joking?" she said letting go of Anders' arm allowing him to go back to his original position sitting in Hawke's lap, shoving the elf out of the way. "Look at what I've done? You should be thanking me. You've got a fun night ahead of you, enjoy it. Isn't that why you came to this tavern in the first place?"

"The man is being crushed by a brooder and a blondie in public." Verric said crossing his arms now. "I asked for a story and I got one."

It wasn't until Fenris leaned down on top of Hawke and kissed him passionately in front of Anders (revelling in the expression the grey warden held by watching this heinous act) that the two decided to help Hawke bring them both outside. Anders was fighting Fenris with kicks and slaps while the elf merely wouldn't let go of his hold on the person Anders was fighting for, enraging him more.

"Maker that was embarrassing! What's the matter with you two?" Hawke smirked lightly. "If you can't keep your libidos in check then no more tavern dates, mind you the date was between Verric and myself." The dwarf laughed at that. "I'll take them home." said Hawke holding them both so they wouldn't fall. "Hopefully mother isn't there to see what her son does at night."

"Literally" Isabella added. "I'll be expecting some sort of reward later on."

Verric shook his head in amazement going back into the tavern. "Never a dull moment huh?"

Walking up the streets of Lowtown now, Isabella stood outside the Hanged Man long enough to see Hawke look her way before turning a corner and mouthing a big 'thank you' before going off into the dark.


End file.
